Things No One Cares About: Slayers The Hourglass of Falces

Slayers started out as a series of light novels involving Lina Inverse,a short tempered sorceress,Gourry Gabriev,the dim-witted swordsman and a rotating cast of companions. It evolved into a successful anime/manga franchise that is much more well known. I've already discussed the first two movies based on the prequel series,Slayers Special, and I finally got my hands on the last three movies so we'll look at those in more detail in the coming weeks but we're going to talk about something Slayers related I actually did read this week,The Hourglass of Falces.

Slayers manga has always sort have taken a backseat to the novel and anime components of the franchise. The longest part of the manga(Super Explosive Demon Story) only covers the first eight novels in 7 of 8 volumes. The fourth volume being an adaption of Slayers Return. The various manga projects tend to cover various side stories and alternate time lines. Luckily they usually are wrote by Kanzaka himself which at least insures great writing if nothing else.

However like Lina's companions the artist for the manga tends to rotate. You have the Rui Araizumi the Gourry to Kanzaka's Lina who is responsible for the light novels illustrations. Then there is Tommy Ohtsuka that' has drawn the Slayers Special manga,Knights of the Aqualord and a few others. Shoko Yoshinaka who worked on Super Explosive Demon Story and Kanzaka's other big franchise,Lost Universe. However for Hourglass we have yet another artist simply know as Arashi who's only other work is a hentai compilation manga. After reading this manga that fact came as no surprise to me. So enough talking about Slayers lets talk about Slayers.

The story is fairly typical and nothing special,but like most Slayers stories it is more a vehicle for the comedy more than anything. The plot concerns an island that sits between some mystical pillars that can power some weird Groundhog Day style magic. It brings up your typical letting go of the past themes that has been done pretty well elsewhere. It tries to bring up a moral dilemma of letting these people stay stuck in the time loop or actually breaking the spell and ends up coming off as silly in the wrong way.

There is also the problem of it feeling just too long even though it is only four chapters long. Sections are spent on exposition from various characters on happenings that could be summed up in maybe a panel or two. Even more ridiculous is that the last chapter just seems to start mid-battle with little lead up. It is jarring as heck and feels rushed despite the manga taking its' sweet time up to this point.

The plot usually takes a back seat to the jokes though sadly they just aren't able to handle the driving that well. There are a few good jokes but they are few and far between. This is the man who has wrote the excellent Return and Gorgeous,here he is not bringing the A-game. Most of the jokes are meh and the ones that are funny have been done better in another part of the franchise.

So the plot is passed out drunk in the back and the comedy is too short too reach the pedals. Luckily some one gave the characters the map and by god are they trying to salvage this god forsaken road trip.The advantage to having Kanzaka writing is that he knows how to write these characters. Everyone is playing the parts they need to play and their interpersonal relationships are kept intact. This is the first and I believe only project where all of Lina's companions get to team up. For me this is the first exposure I've had to Luke and Millina from the later novels and it just makes me want to read those novels even more if this is how they interact.

As for the original characters for the manga there are three and they are all terrible. The villain is poor mans version of Rezo the Red Priest from the early novels and the women who serves as his motivation is might as well be the patron saint of purity sues. She gets a rushed back story about being a prostitute who never forgot how to love. The other original character Noa is a moe blob that redefines useless. Kanzaka may have unintentionally created the first moe blob style character with Amelia way back in the 90's but she actually has character,spunk and is genuinely funny. Noa has none of that and angst about everything while declaring her own uselessness. She actually wets her self at one point and I'm just embarrassed for her. Her design actually ties in beautifully to the biggest complaint about this book:the art.

If the comedy is the driver and the characters are navigating then the art is the moron attempting to car surf. However he really can't do that well and they have to keep pulling over to pick up the idiot who doesn't look that great after making out with the asphalt. Everyone just looks ugly and off model in the book. Lina and Gourry get off by looking half way decent till they have a reaction then it's straight back to looking ridiculous. Zelgadis looks like Arashi could decide if he wanted to draw Zelgadis or Blackjack and in the end tried combining them. However this is to say nothing of the female characters and the idiocy of what happened there.

Slayers has always had a bit of fanservice here and there with Naga being the notable example. However she is played as more ridiculous and goofy parody of Ms. Fanservice. Here no one except Lina is below a C-cup and they are on full display. Amelia wears a stupid outfit that is supposed to tie into her family's habit of wearing provocative clothing that gives the artist free rein to draw panty shots galore. Noa has as the book calls them "Cow udders" and where a shirt that apparently doesn't button. It just makes the whole story feel cheaper than it all ready is.

In the end this is a really bad Slayers story that fails at almost every turn and is just shameful. It has it's moments but nothing to fully redeem it. Only read this if you really need a Slayers fix and have read everything else possible in the series.
 
Till next time:Stay Positive

Things No One Cares About:Slayers Return

After the success of the first season of Slayers in 1995,we had the not without it's merits Slayers Perfect. A very different beast form the relativity lighter TV adaption that played with tone and atmosphere. A year later and we have the second season known as NEXT and it too had a movie to accompany it:Slayers Return. Like NEXT,Return takes what was a pretty good predecessor and builds a product that blows it out of the water. Everything works,my problems with Perfect are washed away,and it's insanely funny.

Return is almost a pure comedy compared to Perfect and even when things get serious the film is still laughing. It's keeping up Slayers usual schtick of parodying fantasy cliches and anachronisms while taking the piss out of Perfect as well. It takes a one core joke:What if the villains were highly incompetent and runs with it. Admittedly most Slayers villains that aren't major ones use this joke. However here it's taken up to eleven and they really do expand on how bone headed evil can be. Even the super weapon that gets awakened half way through is single minded and stupid. If for nothing else to poke fun at the fantasy genre's high regard for elves as peaceful and wise.

They also have some subtle jabs at hero tropes with only the protagonists being anywhere near competent. The townspeople hold there own against mercenaries,who are slightly competent due to them not being really evil. It takes the main villain doing a face heel turn to make him even close to useful.In the end it even subverts his side switching for a joke. The whole set up leads to quite a few big funny set pieces that I will not spoil but are up there with some of the funniest Slayers moments.

The plot is pretty typical concerning aforementioned super weapon,Naga and Lina's failed attempt to stop it's revival and failing that destroying the beast. It's noting special but most Slayers plots aren't really that ground breaking anyway. The plot is more a backdrop to the comedy and as mentioned above that's where the movie and series in general shine. Perfect took itself a bit more serious and suffered for it with a plot holes. Return keeps the plot simple and benefits greatly for it. I'll admit that it still gives no real explanation for who Naga is and why she's with Lina but even that gets a lampshade hung so it's all good.

This time around editing is much smoother and even gets in on the jokes with some very clever misdirection that leads to a hilarious reveal. The film is shorter and moves at a faster clip which is fine because Perfect did faff about a bit before really getting to the main plot. Gone are random scene ends and replaced with smooth transitions and a much lighter color pallet. It feels more like a Slayers movie,something Perfect didn't quite feel like.

In the end is this movie worth your time:Oh hell yes it is. A vastly improved sequel released alongside a vastly improved second season. Highly recommended for anybody who wants a great comedy. As a side note this is the first of the films to have the author,Hajime Kanzaka, write it. I'd say more on that but that's another review.

Till Next Time:Stay Positive

Things No One Cares about:Slayers Perfect

A couple of years back I finally watched Slayers at the behest of a friend and I was fine with it for the most part. After that I watched season two and was hooked on the series for life. After the abysmal third season I sat down to watch some of the movies,more specifically Slayers Perfect(released stateside as Slayers the Motion Picture) and I was yet again disappointed. The plot was weird,Naga confused me,and it just didn't feel like Slayers to me. I decided to give it a re watch because I like to re affirm my hatred. However I found that I may have been too harsh on the film.

This was the first of the five Slayers films mostly focusing on Lina's adventures before she meets Goury in the main series. Her companion is the ridiculous Naga the Serpent,Lina's self proclaimed rival. She is a butt monkey that could almost rival Goury and excels at creating golems. I tell you these things because the movie explains nothing about her outside of the rivalry. This is sort of the movie's first real problem:explanation. It just sort of drops you into the story with no real explanation of the characters or who they are. Coming from the TV series all your going to be wondering is where the hell is Lina's regular group and why this weird stripper is following Lina around.

Lina also tends to make some weird leaps in logic near the climax of the movie. Normally she is shown weighing her options and deciding what is best. Here she just decides they have to time travel with no indication of why she thinks that. Nor is there any hint from any other character that that is what they need to do. It sort of goes hand in hand with the choppy editing. Scenes just end abruptly with a black screen and poof next scene. It makes the movie feel disjointed up until the third act where the movie finally gets it together for a bit. The third act throws time travel and Goury's ancestor(?). This tends to be a sticking point for some and for a time I was in that camp. However looking back the whole time travel thing sits fine with me and makes sense. Mind you the method to actually time travel is bizarre but I just chalk it up to more bad editing As for the Goury part I just tend to ignore this since it's never brought up after this movie.

That's what the movie did wrong but what did it do right:everything else. Tone wise it's pretty dark for a Slayers movie but it oddly doesn't feel that out of place. The atmosphere matches this and the movie is fairly dark and scary. Events happen that are just plain eerie,very little background music is played and the color pallet is darker to build up the foreboding. The main villain Joyrock is as terrifying as a Slayers villain can be and has almost won by the time the plot has started. Everything just congeals into this mass of terror that even the comedy can't truly break. Don't get me wrong the comedy is great but it's more there to comfort you. It's wonderful in a weird way.

Looking back this movie was no where near the stinker I once thought it was and has a certain charm to it. It's marred by poor editing and some minor plot holes but it's worth looking past for some great atmosphere and comedy bits. Defiantly not the worst of the Slayers movies but we'll get there soon enough.
Till next time:Stay Positive

Things No One Cares About:Hamtaro,Ham-Ham Heartbreak

Hamtaro is probably one of my first anime that wasn't Pokemon. I was either scared or disinterested in most of the anime that ran during the Toonami block. So I turned to the adventure of that little orange hamster and his friends. I don't remember much of the show but really that not what I'm here to talk about. I would talk about it more but that would require me to re watch all 296 episodes and ain't nobody got time for that. Instead I'll be looking at it's video game tie-ins. The first one being Hamtaro:Ham Ham Heartbreak.

Technically it is the third game in the series and the second one released outside Japan. The first one being Ham Hams Unite for the Game boy Color which I'll get back to soon enough. Either way it was released in 2003 for the Game boy Advanced and is sort of a hidden gem for a system with a library full of found gems. That was a joke...moving on.

Hamtaro:Ham Ham Heartbreak is an adventure game that focuses less on item collection to solve puzzles and more on using words and actions.Ham Chats, a carry over from Ham Hams Unite, are the words used to solve the various problems of the hamsters.The beginning of the game explains why Hamtaro doesn't have his extensive vocabulary from last time(Spoiler:he's a klutz). All the words let Hamtaro and Bijou interact with the world and achieve their goals. Most of them have a few specific uses outside of the handful Boss teach you in the intro. As a side note Hamtaro does not seem to care if what is happening around him,if he learns a new Ham Chat then by god is he going to pull out his dictionary and write it down. Someone is crying their eyes out,screw them they just taught me how to say cry better record it real quick. I find it kind of funny.

So Ham Chats are puzzle solvers but what kind of puzzles are we solving. It's love,your basically hamster cupid and have to get hamsters to fall into or back into love. You do this by either giving people something or helping people out with a Ham chat word. That's basically the whole game and it's actually pretty fun. All the puzzles are creative if a bit on the simple side(it is a kid's game). It helps that the game is fairly short with six stages ,so the concept doesn't wear out it's welcome. There are three different ending sequences to get for fixing all the loves,beating the final boss and learning all the Ham chats. The game has a few more side things but they are mostly just for fun such as playing dress up or finding gems.

If I have to nit-pick it's that some of the puzzles can be slightly obtuse such as peeing on a fake reflection to make it lose it's cool.Luckily nothing approaching the normal moon logic this kind of game tends to run on. Then there is the fact that you have to sit through a short animation every time you want to pick something up in a room. Also Hamtaro and Bijou make this annoying squeaking sound with every step they take and it can be grating. However this are still nit picks and don't ruin an other wise solid experience.

The story is pretty simple:There is a hamster named Spat who hates love and you have to go around cleaning up his messes with the help of his nemesis,Harmony. This game is shipping Hamtaro with Bijou so she joins up and together you fight for love. Spat has no motivation beyond being a jerk but he does break down as the game goes on moving from simple rumor mongering to theft and finally attempted murder. I have a hard time believing that some characters actually trust a guy who looks like Satan in hamster form. His counterpart Harmony gets the same amount of back story and comes off as a bit loony. One could argue that her and Spat are in an alternate reality game that got way out of hand. Either that or God and Satan just got bored and decided to screw with some hamsters. It's not that complex a story but it works.Hey, it is better than the last game which is go find everybody because Boss said so. Most of the show's cast make appearances and despite not having seen this show in years I was still squealing like a 9 year old girl every time I saw one of them.

The story does explore the different kinds of love and is pretty open minded about love from friendship to romance to sibling love. I think they have a gay couple in one area that you help out but that may just be me being hopeful or them being vague on some hamster's genders. Hamtaro and Bijou play well off each other and their little love scene at the end is adorable.

The graphics and animations have been upgraded from Unite and some Ham chats have a little more complex animations now. The game looks more like the show with everything being bright and colorful and every important hamster being unique. The areas are all your basic settings(mountain,beach,jungle etc.) from a hamster 's perspective which adds a nice touch to things and lends it self to some cool looking areas. The music is nice if nothing special and you can set a dance to most of the BGM if you find the track in the levels.

For the most part licensed games tend to get a bad rap and to be fair quite a few deserve the reputation. This is definitely not one of them and deserves a look for anyone who wants a good time.

Till next time Stay Positive

Things No One Cares About: Free! Iwatobi Swim Club

A vocally straight friend and I were discussing Kill La Kill and he made mention of the teacher's weird and hilarious fan service scene. He found it gratuitous, I didn't. It reminded me of how he had mentioned Free! And it's own gratuitous male fan service. This is all the motivation I needed to watch Free! Iwatobi Swim Club.

Free! Iwatobi Swim Club is known in most circles as the swimming anime and all others as "look at that body". Notable for it's high fan service aimed at females and a guy who is often shipped with water. It should also be noted for having actual interesting characters and a half way decent plot.

The plot follows a group of boys with girly names and their re founding of the high school swimming club after meeting up with their friend turned rival. They train for tournaments,have team building adventures and get characterization on motivations. The Free in the title refers to both Freestyle swimming and the characters desire to be free from the past. Most of the boys has something holding them back from becoming a successful and fulfilling their dreams. It adds a nice layer of depth to an other wise standard sports plot and made each episode worth watching. Every episode the we learn more about the characters and why stick with this whole mess even if they don't have to.

The show moves along at a nice clip while giving the characters time to reflect and let things soak in(pun intended) .It seems like the first competition did come up somewhat fast but once I made it to the end of the show,it came at just the right time. The series is also pretty funny for not being a pure comedy series. Haruka and Rei are the comically serious while Makoto gets to over react. They are also not above poking fun at themselves with jabs at Haruka's love of water and the gratuitous amount of male physique on display.

Our main cast has five boys:First is Haruka Nanase,the boy who loves water. He sort of comes off as just plain weird; sometimes often talking about the water as if it were a person, and seems to only eat mackerel. He is also an amazing swimmer (only freestyle though) and the glue holding the swim team together. He starts of wanting to be ordinary but every encounter with childhood rival Rin has him questioning what he actually wants and how he can get that. Figuring him out can be somewhat difficult just due to him rarely speaking. It's left to pieces of flashbacks and how other characters act around him. He has a dolphin motif that nicely contrasts Rin's shark motif.

His best friend/mother figure is Makoto Tachibana, the new swim team's captain. Makoto is sort of the Wilson to Haruka's House. He's always watching out for him and trying to keep him safe. When he does become captain of the swim club he evolves into the team mom constantly looking out for the boys and putting aside his own fears for the team. He's not as troubled as Haruka outside of a fear of water but is still the emotional center of the team. He has a Killer Whale,a symbol of leadership, as his motif which fits his personality to a tee.

Nagisa Hazuki is the most enthusiastic of the boys and has a hero worship relationship with Haruka. He is all boundless enthusiasm and excitement. He doesn't learn any real lessons outside of teamwork which he's pretty well versed in from the beginning . His bouncy personality is cute and he helps to keep everyone going. His goofy/flighty nature does well to hide his strong love for the team and when things go wrong he is trying his best to set things right. He is also the only person who will tease the boys about their girly names often adding -chan to their names. His animal motif is the penguin and more specifically the Rock hopper penguin as it's the teams mascot drawn by Haruka.

The last member of the new team is Rei Ryugazaki,who shares Haruka's role as the comically serious and is a lover of beauty. He is the last member to join and also gets one of the better jokes in the series which I really don't want to spoil. His obsession with beauty is fairly low key once he joins the team and most of his arc is focused on him becoming part of the team and culminates in a crowing moment of heart warming. He constantly struggles with the fact that he doesn't have the history the others have and he eventually learns what must be done so he can be "free" to join the team.

Rin Matsuoka is the rival and main antagonist of the series. Most of the series for him is spent taunting Haruka and the team. It's all a facade to mask his own crippling failure as a solo swimmer. Like Haruka they are trying to come to terms with their reasons for swimming and by extension living. He channels his rage into beating Haruka and is baffled when he doesn't feel satisfied by beating him. He is a joy to watch struggle through his issues and finally take his life in his hands and move on. I do wish that they would explore more with of his relationship with his family as there is a bit of a goldmine there from guilt over "ruining" his father's dream and his poor relationship with his sister

The supporting cast are nothing special but do provide a good laugh or two. Rin's sister,Kou, is used as a bit of an audience surrogate in regards to the fanserivce going on. Also I swear that Rin's kohai looks like a middle school age Yu Narukami without the panache. All of them are at least memorable but not particularity well developed.

The animation is gorgeous with bright colors and a clean look. The character design does leave a little to be desired as it's pretty much stock bishonen stereotypes. Being bishonen they do look very handsome so that helps. Apparently their bodies are also accurate to what a swimmers build would look like. I personally wouldn't know as I'm no expert on muscles outside of well that looks nice. The ending animation is bizarre and oddly compelling telling a weird little tale about Haruka in the desert looking for water with a random club scene thrown in. I couldn't tear my self away from it and was sort of disappointed the last episode lacked it. The music all around is not bad with the OP and ED being kind of catchy if generic. Also the rest of the OST does answer my question: What if Shoji Meguro tried to compose while massively drunk. The answer:not bad.

So in the end is Free! worth your time if you're not a lover of the male body? I'd say yes. If you can look past that there is a interesting plot with some fun characters. If you are a lover of the male body then hey your getting a pretty good show with some eye candy to boot. Till next time, Stay Positive.

Things No One Cares About:Chantelise: A Tale of Two Sisters

A few months back I picked up the Carpe Fulgur collection on sale mostly to play Recettear because last time I checked three games for twenty dollars is better than one game for twenty. I think that is how value works,wouldn't know really. Oddly enough I still haven't touched Recettear instead opting to start with its' predecessor Chantelise: A Tale of Two Sisters. Then I stopped playing it because darn it the game was hard and the controls were being mean.

Fast forward to the present where I have a wired controller to play it and suddenly the game was...just as hard but hey at least me and the controller are on the same page. As I made my way through this tale of sisters I really started enjoying myself whaping monsters in the face and discovering the hidden chests. Mind you they game never went into greatness territory but it had a small encampment nearby. Anyway on with the review.

Chantelise is an action RPG with less a focus on leveling up(i.e there is none) and more on proper item set up. The melee combat is fun and works well, your sword never failing to cleave a slime in two. Chatelise's hook is in it's very odd magic system. There is no mana pool to draw from instead it's fueled by magic stones dropped from monsters at random. It does get quite annoying but the magic system will rarely leave you in an unwinable scenario in normal battle.Plus it will never do so in a boss fight. In the beginning you can only use two magic stones at a time and it eventually goes up to four at a time. There are different spells for charging up like colored stones and different effects on existing spells with different colored stone combinations. It adds a nice layer of strategy with the magic that is a bit undercut by the randomness factor. Though I hardly used the top tier spells as the were more trouble than they're worth.

The games other major element is treasure hunting. You have the basic random drops to sell to the shopkeeper to help pay her exorbitant prices. Then there are the hidden treasures that can be found in each section of the dungeons. It's actually pretty fun trying to complete all of them for the great items they yield. Sadly the hints you pay for to find the treasures  are vague and mostly unhelpful. Plus to get a hint you have to pay a bit of your maximum Hit Points,so your better of using a guide to help you.The game has a fishing side quest that plays like Mario Golf,a fact the game lampshades. The fishing itself is enjoyable and it's always funny to use Chante herself as the lure.

If I'm going to have any real gripes on the game play side it would be these. First the targeting system is less than helpful. Preferring to lock on to an enemy two rooms back as opposed to the giant crab starring you down. It is possible to switch targets with the camera However it's less than helpful and you are better off just canceling targeting and try again.

Second is what this game laughably calls a difficulty curve that is all over the place. The game starts out just pounding you in to the ground,especially with the first boss and his immunity to a sword in the face. After that the game just keeps beating on you with loads of enemies till about the third dungeon where everything becomes a cake walk. I breezed through the remaining three dungeons with only a slight hiccup on the first phase of the final boss. The final boss' attacks do minimal damage with a low level shield equipped and are so easy to dodge that it's hardly necessary to have a shield on. Overall though the game play is really fun and the game's short length ensures it won't wear out it's welcome.

On the story side of things it all flows well and has nothing really to say about anything. The story scenes are minimal but do well with what little there is to foreshadow some of the weirdness that makes up the plot's later half. The characters themselves of which there are four major players are likable if not particularly well rounded. Elise is a sword maiden and is kind if a bit dimwitted and her big sister Chante is a human turned fairy with a bad temper. Their relationship actually works very well and I could tell that they were sisters without the game having to say so. The other two women are basically the same personality wise but in a mentor like position. Again everything works and the ending does tie most loose ends up. Except for one...I think,it could just me being a ditz. Finally the translated script is very fun and witty. It doesn't rely on cursing and fart jokes instead going for violence being threatened upon character's shins. It works wonderfully and gets in quite a few good jokes.

The art style is reminiscent of one of the RPG maker games and I do mean that in a good way. The sprites are detailed and the backgrounds are pretty. It just lacks any real stand out locations,all being variations on ancient ruins and forests. A special mention to Elise's fishing catching animation in that my god is it cute. Other than that nothing terrible,noting outstanding.

In the end I consider this a good game with no real deal breakers in it. It may be nothing special but it has a heart and a sense of humor. It's the cheapest of the Carpe Fulgur games on Steam and well worth it if your needing an RPG fix. Just make sure use a game pad of some sort to save yourself from the poor keyboard controls.
Till next time Stay Positive.

Things No One Cares About: Requiem in Phony Brian

R.I.P or Requiem in Phony Brian is a one volume shojo manga by "Goth queen" Mitsuzaku Mihara. This is what happens when you let a goth kid try to write Hell Girl and this is their very first writing assignment after suffering a concussion at Hot Topic. It's not very good is what I'm trying to get at. I picked this up a used bookstore based on it's ridiculous sounding back blurb. It sounded so terrible that I just had to read it and now you get to suffer with me.

The plot follows an angel named Transylvania Rose,yes really, who I'll call TR for short taking a suicidal undertaker as a pet after he makes good on the suicide part. What follows is an angst ridden journey about why the undertaker is the way he is. Every other chapter is about getting TR to go back to Heaven or what appears to be heaven. It seems to be only populated by four people total so I can understand why they'd be lonely without her. The undertaker can purify suicides for no apparent reasons. However up till about chapter seven or eight it all basically works as a poor man's Hell Girl without the revenge. However once it goes full into the Undertaker's, Phony Brian, back story do things just get silly. His parents named him that because he was born out of wedlock and his dead girlfriend killed herself by drinking her own I.V fluid. I'd actually like this if it didn't take itself so seriously because this would be a decent black comedy. The book likes to think that it's smarter than it is dropping lines like: Who takes care of the undertaker when he's dead? All in all the plot is a sham that thinks otherwise.

The characters are not much better,all of the angel characters are flatter than my chest and are all unlikable and selfish. Phony Brian and his girlfriend have the chemistry of dead fish and are in an eternal angst off. I will admit that Brian does have at least reasonable reactions about being forced into being TR's pet,though he may be using that as an excuse to just mope some more. TR is again wholly unlikable and never seems to learn anything. I do understand her though when heaven is populated by a clingy valley girl and Mr. tall ,dark and brooding,I'd get out of there as often as possible. So,yeah the characters are a sham too.

Then there is the art which succeeds by being average. It's all very elaborate and flowing without being overwhelming. The character models are distinct enough that I can tell everyone apart and their outfits do look nice. For some reason TR's hair changes for no reason in the finale and it took me a minute to realize it was her. It's all just your bog standard Gothic art work,not great but not horrid either. It's a manga so I can't talk out the soundtrack but I'd imagine it being done by a garage band who goes on about how life is pain because the singer's boy/girlfriend of two days didn't text them good morning.

In the end we have poor characters in a poor plot that is at least drawn well. It barely edges into so bad it's good territory but it still falls short of that. Avoid this little train wreak and go watch Hell Girl since I can't stop bringing it up. Alternatively check out Mihara's other one shots,Slice of Black Chocolate is pretty good. Till next time: Stay Positive

Things No One Cares About:Himeyuka & Rozione's Story

Today I'm looking at some more short stories because apparently I can't be asked to read anything longer than twenty pages. This collection is known as Himeyuka & Rozione's story(H&R) and consist of four stories that are either boring or just confusing. Well that's about it for me so till next time stay positive.









Oh,you are still here. Well I can talk about this book if you want,it's fairly poor. The entire afterword of it is just the author apologizing for the book. I guess since you insist I'll go ahead and talk about it.
The art is nice enough with some average character design and some decent costume designs especially for the witch in the third story. It has the same problem as Glass Wings in that it sacrifices style over good story telling. So enough of trying to make the art feel good about itself,let's talk about the stories cause they are bad and should feel bad.

The first is the titular story as is usually the case with these collections. It involves a girl who looks like Loki circa Persona 4 and an inconsiderate young child that is supposed to be her childhood personified. To be fair this one actually works for the most part with the twist being cleverly revealed. Its still a typical don't grow up too fast story. This one manages to be at least memorable which is more than I can say for the next two stories.

I'm going to just combine the next two into one paragraph cause my grievances with them are basically the same and I'll be done faster. The stories are The Princess of Kikouya in District 1 and My Very Own Shalala. These are just forgettable,seriously. I read them then twenty minutes later could not remember a single thing outside of the title. Both are utterly generic love stories with nothing interesting about them. They do have some nice costume design for our leads but I still had to work hard to remember even that. The Princess story is abut a yakuza girl who hides that side of her for the boy she loves and you can guess the rest. Shalala is about a witch who needs a boy's tears and ends up in love with the boy she targets. It's not even a bad love story but there are miles of better romance manga out there . This is what happens when enough issues of Shojo Beat form together:bland garbage. Moving on.

The last story is ROBOT and no that is not an acronym,the Manga-ka just forgot to turn of caps lock for a minute. I'm probably going to reveal my ignorance here but I honestly didn't understand this story. It's after the Apocalypse and people keep getting there minds re uploaded to new bodies..I think. There are also robots(shocking I know) that the government views as a threat but don't seem to do anything about it. The main robot boy just mopes around for most of the time then randomly kicks people's asses. Then the plot starts going bananas and I stopped trying to understand it. It's like the the author got hammered and watched Ghost in the Shell and decided that being logical was for the weak. Like H&R,it manages to be at least memorable even if it's wants to just be confusing.

You are still here,you really are a persistent one aren't you. What more can I say it's a generic book with pedestrian characters(seriously not one character drives a car in this book) and pretty art. There is nothing to it and I'll probably forget about it completely come this time next week You satisfied invisible reader whom I'll never see? Good,till Next time Stay Positive.

Thing No One Cares About:Ace Attorney Investigations

Phoenix is all set to come back this year in Ace Attorney:Duel Destinies which is great because the whole Hobo Phoenix affair was kind of weird. Speaking of Hobo Phoenix,there was a multi-year gap between Trials and Tribulation(T&T) and being a genius hobo. What was Phoenix doing that time...heck if I know. However thanks to Investigations we know a little bit about what Edgeworth was doing so let's talk about that.

Investigations is a sub series fro the Ace Attorney series featuring Miles Edgeworth and the more likable members of the Prosecutor’s office plus with new characters thrown in. The cases all revolve around a smuggling ring and a murder case know as KG-8. The game manages to shake up the stranded Phoenix formula with some heavier adventure game elements and different character dynamics. So lets talk about some Edgeworth goodness.

When I said a “little bit” in the intro up there I really meant little,the whole game takes places over the course of a few days(barring a flashback case), a month after T&T. The story is a solid and tight with some nice twists along the way. The cases are all pretty standard for an Ace Attorney game which is fine as they all are still pretty creative. However as a solid as the story is,it still feels a little like high class fan fiction. One would think the smuggling ring would have been able to stop Edgeworth before he nabs their leader. Also the last case drags on longer than need be,filled with so many big damn hero moments that it gets tiresome. Still satisfying when you do take down the ringleader due to his awesome freakout. it also takes too long to get to said case with everything else just feels like biding time.

All the characters are really great from returning characters like Gumshoe to new ones like Agent Lang He works as a great rival to Edgeworth with some decent development that elevates him from jerk to a great guy. Shame he's only in two cases with a cameo in a third. The other major new ally is Kay Faraday,who is not Maya. She's a thief not a medium and has a dead dad instead of a disappeared mum. Joking aside I actually do like her even if her and Edgeworth relationship is akin to Phoenix/Maya with less romantic overtones. Gumshoe gets special mention as his own brand of weirdness plays well with Edgeworth's seriousness. Edgeworth is what holds this game together with a much cooler head than Phoenix and takes the stick in the mud tendency up to eleven. He is fun to play as and it's always funny to see him defend his screw ups as something he meant to do.There are also quite a few cameos from minor characters such as Lotta Hart and Winston Payne and call backs to previous cases in the main series.

Game play remains mostly unchanged from the previous games with a couple of new twists. Little Thief which is a weird little mechanic that let's you recreate crime scenes,mostly used to extend investigation segments.While Logic is sort of like combing items in an adventure game but instead of items it's lines of thought. It usually revealing a new idea or updating some evidence. You rarely have that many to connect and brings up a minor problem with the game,it's difficulty or lack their of. It's a very easy game with every contradictions being glaringly obvious. It's like your case 1-1 of the original game extended to hell and back. Mind you the games have never been that hard but they at least tried to challenge you. There are a couple of hard sections but more due to moon logic and misinformation than actual difficulty. That's all I can say,so let's move on to something else.

The art here is on par with Apollo Justice having come out after that game with addition of actual character models as opposed to just portraits and it is really weird at first. The models do look nice and add a nice touch. The music is probably some of the strongest in a series with already stellar soundtracks. Lying Coldly is one of the best tracks and up their Cornered in terms of songs to get you pumped up.

So is Investigations worth of your time:Yes. Though if you are new to the franchise then you'll probably be lost with all the cameo's and references but be able to follow the main story just fine.

It's a great game either way and well worth seeking out for any fan of the franchise. Also if you buy it maybe it'll help get the second game localized and maybe I'll lactate live birds.

Till next time:Stay Positive

Things No One Cares About:Alone In My Kings Harem

Long ago in the ancient past of April 2013,we visited Glass Wings. A short story collection playing with the ideas of love between men and women or in the last one's case just women. I tell you that to hopefully form a decent segue into today's book which is also a collection of short stories. However this time it is all about love between men and men who look like ladies with very little fighting to be had. The book was brought overseas by DMP who have quite a few books of this nature such as Almost Crying. Alone in My King's Harem is written by Lily Hoshino who would go on to draw the art for Mawaru Penguin Drum. Does this have any bearing on the book,not really, but hey at least were in for some nice art.

Similar to Glass Wings I'll get my art griping out of the way first then talk about the stories. The art is excellent plain and simple. Panels flow well,backgrounds are lovely and the guys are pretty,almost too pretty. Yes this is were the art does fall short,the uke characters simply look to girly for their own good. If they had not slapped the yaoi label on this I would have told you this was a book with four stories about straight people with a random yaoi story at the end. Would the stories be any weaker if they were not all boys,no. However the manga-ka set out to draw cute boys and failed half the time. Either way the art is still fantastic and gives the stories a dream like feel.

The first story is the title story about a king and his concubine and that's really it. The boy sticks with this man through his highs and lows and is rewarded with the King's love. It's pretty simple and offers nothing outside of good feeling and some cute guys action. The king is tall and handsome and looks a little like Holland Novak, while the concubine is pretty,too feminine and a little weird. I could question if this boy stays with him because he truly loves him or because he has no where else to go. The story is mostly fluff,enjoyable fluff,but fluff none the less.

The second story,Night Circus,is the highlight of the book and is very creative. It's told in the style of 4-koma comics and follows a young trapeze artist through his dreams. The visuals are weird and fanciful and requires a second read once you wrap your head around what is going on. Without spoiling much it is a different look at the eyes of someone who is into bestiality. It's an enjoyable mind screw that sort of erases the previous story from your mind. I won't say much else as it is very short but worth it. Moving on to next one.

The Seabed of Night has the same very fanciful qualities of Night Circus,while revisiting the king/servant dynamic from the title story. It involves a brothel that grants impossible wishes ran by Rosine. The prince inspects the place with his loyal servant and said servant makes a deal with the owner to spend the night with the prince. The realize they love each other and ride off home. It's not bad with the idea of love from afar being akin to looking up from the bottom of the sea. The very dreamy art helps add to the places other worldness. It is probably the most explicit story after the last tale but even then not much is shown. Again a little more too it than Alone in My King's Harem(AMKH) but still pretty fluffy.

Up fourth is Adventures of a Canary returning to the more realistic style of AMKH. It follows a good looking guy and a guy working at a lounge,then he escapes and they run off. Like the concubine there is a question of is this really love or does he have no where else to turn to. Not much else to say about the story,it offers one twist that makes sense if you think about it and it is heartwarming. That's it,the art is still good and works. The last story is where this book goes weird.

The last story is two chapters:Mature Flesh and Moist Flesh. The previous tales have all had a more fantasy slant to them and can be taken as heart warming love stories. This one instead is a generic high school boy story that is really nothing more than hentai. It's not bad if that's what you want but it is just so different than the other stories. This is very jarring when up till now there has been implied sex and this one is almost two straight(pardon the pun) chapters of hot guys boning. Did I like it...yes but that does not make it any less out of place here.

In the end is this collection worth it,maybe. The art is lovely but the fact that some of the boys look too girly may kill it for some yaoi fangirls or help the non-yaoi crowd. Other than that there isn't much to it. Oh,Night Circus is excellent and well worth the two minutes it takes to read. Everything else is enjoyable fluffy romance(or hentai) and that is fine. Those looking for something more substantial would be better off with something like Heart of Thomas.

Till next time Stay Positive

Things No One Cares About :Mii Plaza Games

A few weeks back the Streetpass Plaza for the 3DS was updated to be bigger and better. To be fair it is really cool looking but that's not what I'm here to talk about . No along with this update came four new games that utilize the street pass feature. They all work the same way as Find Mii 1 and 2,in that you collect allies by actually going outside or just have two 3DS consoles and pass each other. Outside of that each game does offer something different and we'll look at them in some semblance of an order. Since I haven't completed them this is based on my experiences so far

We will start strong with Mii Force,a side scrolling shooter. The story is pretty simple,some pirates are screwing with planets you get down there and stop them. Your street passes are your gunners and losing them leaves you defenseless. Each Mii color grants a different weapon and you can power up other guns with Miis at the expense of losing that Mii's weapon..It adds a layer of strategy that helps the game. The game plays out like Gradius lite and most levels can be a breeze. The added challenge of high scores and no hit runs does add some replay value. Though you can only use that spot pass team once and have to hire new gunners or find some more. It also has an excellent sense of humor with some great banter between the pirate leader and his lackey. I find this one to be the strongest of the bunch. Which leads me to the weakest one: Flower Town.

Flower Town is boring plain and simple. Your really growing flowers and arranging them nicely,that's it. The street passes you have water your plants for you and then you just sort of mess around with aesthetic items. The process for getting new flowers is easy to manipulate but left ultimately left to luck. The game also doesn't quite know when to keep it's mouth shut. Everything is explained in crazy detail and basic concepts are repeated every time you play the game. That being said there is quite a bit to do within the game. It has less of a daily feel to it like the other games,and if your into this kind of thing then you may lose yourself in it. As for me this is the low point of the set.

Next up is Warrior's Way,a conquer the world game. You build an army via street pass and take over this island of nations via rock,paper,scissors. Those who have the game great you as Monarchs from afar and you can fight them to gain control of their army. Those who don't just join your army with however many people they have in their plaza. In the game proper you divide your troops and have them fight. Each unit has a strength and weakness as shown by rock,paper,scissors. Though the disadvantage goes out the window if you have superior numbers. That strategy seems to be the most solid and there is no disadvantage to waiting a day or two to get the forces you need. Ironically it is the game that requires the least strategic planing despite being the only pure strategy game of the group. It's also silly that you can only conquer one country a day with no hand wave to say why. The game is not too bad but lacks the charm of Mii Force.

The last game is Monster Manor,where you clear floors by playing Tetris. Here your street passes give you floor tiles and you arrange them to find treasures and clear floors. There are some minor RPG elements with weapons having stats,affinities and being upgradable. Most battles boil down to being able to shoot faster than your enemy. This is where street pass can really screw you over as you can only make rooms with same colored pieces. If your sporting a rainbow of Miis then your passes could be wasted till next time. It's a fine game and it does try for some depth which is admirable.

So are these games worth your time or should you just stick with Find Mii? I'd say yeah,if you use street pass often enough then they are worth your time.They all have enough going for them to give them some meat.If you had to buy just one then definitely go with Mii Force. They are all about five bucks on there own and fifteen for the whole bundle.it's not a bad deal. I'll see you soon for Berserk 3:Descent.
Till Next Time:Stay Positive

Things No One Cares About:Tales from Earthsea

So I've been away for a while for reasons that would bore you so I won't go on but I'm back and that's all that matters(to me anyway).

I recently had a chance to sit down with a friend and watch Tales from Earthsea. I knew that the author and the fans of the books were displeased with it but figured people can be really nitpicky with adaptions. I mean I love P4 and yet that's all I did during it's TV adaption. However in this case I'm inclined to agree with them as this movie is atrocious. The pacing is plodding,the plot is a mess,and the animation feels phoned in.

The film is directed by Goro Miyazaki as opposed to his father,Hayao and this is the only movie he would direct till 2011's From Up On Poppy Hill which I have not seen. Based on a series of fantasy novel by Ursula L. Guin. Specifically the Wizard of Earthsea cycle which features Ged. That's all I'll say about the books as I really haven't read them. Let's get to talking about this movie then.

The movie opens with a scene off a Dio album cover with two dragons fighting then cuts to a long scene about politics that ends with the king stabbed by one of the main characters,Arren. Both scenes are not brought up again. After that it finally decided to pick a damn scene and cuts to Arren getting saved by Ged. All of this happens in a rather short span and I had no idea what was going on. After a while I really wished we went back to jumping around scene as being confused would have been better that being bored. Events happen that have no meaning,the action has no stakes,and the film just wanders. It's like the middle of Eva 3.33 except uninteresting and twice as long. There is a lack of purpose and as a result nothing happens. It spends time on a crappy romance subplot between Arren and this girl who lives with Ged's friend. The have the chemistry of a pair of redwoods and they just sort of fall for each other after she sings a terrible song. This whole thing culminates in a ending scene where she turns into a dragon. By the time this happened I just wanted the movie to be over and never questioned it.

The actual plot is even more boring and concerns a evil wizard who wants to live for ever and magic being dead. Everything is poorly explained and glossed over. There is something about Arren fighting his shadow that just seems to be thrown in and takes up more of the movies long run time. The film runs for about two hours but felt like almost four due to the horrendously slow pace. So the story is like your father on Wednesday afternoons: rambling,stupid,and awful at his job. If the story is the father then the characters learned being terrible from watching it.

All the characters are flat as the disc that the movie is on and also just as uninteresting. The villain has a poor immortality obsession,Ged's character is non-existent and most everyone else is bland. Arren whom I guess is supposed to be out main character has an arc that is schizophrenic. First dealing with the aforementioned shadow malarkey and then he has an obsession with living forever. It would help if I had any idea of these character's motivations and sense of them as people. However I don't so I don't. My friend and I decided early on that most likeable character was Arren's horse and rooted for him the whole time. We dubbed him Donkey punch and hoped he would save the day. Just saying when the horse is the best character,you are doing something wrong

To the movie's credit,there are are two good scenes that are frankly wasted on this movie and both involving Ged. One where he gives a wondrous speech about valuing life and why immortality is foolish. Had this film been in a better films it would have skyrocketed to greatness. However it's in this movie so it just fizzles out. Th second is a funny moment where Ged trolls the guards looking for him with magic that is hilarious. Again if this would have made a good move shine but nope wasted on this tripe.

I mentioned that the animation seemed phoned in and while I do stick by that, it does not mean it looks bad. It actually looks really good and flows really well. That being said it really has nothing special about it. They seemed to take the visual style from Howl's Moving Castle instead of giving it it's own look. Nothing really amazing but perfectly serviceable. There is a randomly violent scene that just comes straight out of no where near the end. It's really jarring as the film was pretty tame up to then.

So as we reach the end,what have we learned:probably nothing of value. However if we are talking about pointless things then it would be that this movie is bad and it should feel bad. Go watch a good Ghibl film or heck read the books,anything to avoid this garbage. I only hope that the director learned form his mistakes and did better with From Up On Poppy Hill.

Until next time Stay Positive